By: K. Thapedi.
Words so beautiful, art that is forever faithful and time that never dies in the soil of its fruits!
I heard my heart beating in innocence, it pulsated like a wave in a stormy weather, it touched every part of my being, from my pompous mind to my pure soul, at times it came naturally like fear and on another hand it came in joy of the eye. I knew less but my heart pumped in victory, whatever I touched reflected the shape of my heart, whether round, square or rectangular to even the shape of diamonds and triangles all of them were the same in my heart, not even a color matted they all shined through my smile. I wanted all what gave my heart that electrifying taste, all that would make me move around in no questions, I wanted all that woke me up in fear and in joy.
The meaning of life is contained in every single expression of life.
It is present in the infinity of forms and phenomena that exist in all of creation.
[FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON]
I saw myself in every road, street corners or boards of admiration; I went out there before I could be myself, my name shined in colors I couldn’t hold, my name tasted like food I never dreamt of tasting, above all someone wrote this life before I could fit myself in it. I would wake up to the songs of my voice, at times in words I couldn’t bear to understand and all I knew was that something was growing and that something was not the inner me, yet those moments were special to everyone around me. There, there my heart was nowhere to be found; only colors that shaped my road, words that walked my journey, and sounds that impregnated my dreams. I couldn’t ask my own soul of the life it dares to live but I wanted to offer to my heart the kind of life the world wanted me to live, I was out there before I could live in the songs of my heart, who would’ve known that the joy I gave to the world will be like pain in my soul. I was just a child who is willing to learn but my book was already written by a hand of the unknown.
What matters of a color, if my words can give joy to your heart and grow sorrow in your thoughts, what matters of an age if I can walk with you at your wedding day and sleep with you at the night of your departure? Yes; my songs gave hope to the broken hearts and often bought disbelieve to the victorious soul, it was only to myself that the road became darker and with no shape, signs faded as you sung along to my beautiful sounds, time stopped whenever you danced to my rhythms and all that I was to be died before I could live.
I gave to the world my heart, my soul, my peace, my joy and to the world I shared all of my victories, even in pains I looked up to the world and opened but yet to the world I was never good enough, to the world after my journey with you my beauty didn’t shine, all you saw in me was the imperfection of my beauty. I kneed and prayed to the angels of my voice, to the demons of my words, to GOD my creator, I kneed for the freedom of my hearts pains, I kneed that the world could see beyond the image of its desire, I kneed for me to live in the joy that my heart dared, and it was my prayers that kept on reminding me that I never lived for my true self, that I lived for the world not for the beauty of my heart, for if it was to the beauty of my heart that made you sing in my words and jive through my dance then it would’ve been my hearts beauty that you spoke off than the nature of my image.
When I began to wear the image that gave beauty to you, I began to kill my heart. You joyed to my new art and you questioned the choice of my color, you continued to sing and dance with me and yet you sat on your dinner table to speak of my heart like it was of your dreams, was it my heart you wanted to play with, was it my faith you wanted to destroy or was it my birth that didn’t taste good to you? World whenever you spoke a piece of me died, whenever I sing and dance for your joyful day, part of me faded. Out I went to give comfort to your misguided heart, and in I came to give sorrow to my pure soul, do you remember me now that you’ve only yourself to compare your desires to? Do you think of me now that you have only yourself to talk of? I gave you all that I could live for and you gave me all that bought pains to my heart.
I am the voice that gave sweet taste to your life not the beauty you wished of me to be. So long!